In my adult years I have heard people say that fear holds you back. My whole life has been ruled by fear but I didn't think I was fearful of good things....how could you be?
Every now and again in my life a song comes on the radio that overwhelms me with emotion and I don't always recognize why at first. The last time I remember going through this was about 9-10 years ago when the Dixie Chicks redid "Landslide" (originally by Fleetwood Mac). I listened to it and cried. I was not very happy where we were, my daughters were entering teen/pre-teen which scared me for reasons I won't name here, and I didn't like where I was in my life. The lyrics touched me because I was stuck, afraid to move forward- because,
"I've been afraid of changing 'Cause I've built my life around you" I had put everything of myself into my girls and trying to build my fantasy family and marriage. I had it and yet I knew I wanted more and then felt selfish for wanting more.
The other day I heard the song, "Firework" by Katy Perry-what a fun catchy beat (and you can dance to it:). The next time I listened to the words and they hit me like a ton of bricks.....they are bubble gum pop but still spoke to me:
Maybe your reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to your perfect road.
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
And when it's time, you'll know.
You just gotta ignite, the light, and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July
'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "oh oh oh"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y.
Baby you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go "oh oh oh"
You're gonna leave them all in "awe awe awe".
Lately I have been feeling like I am meant to do something amazing and exciting with my life and in my career. While choking back the tears I realized that I am afraid of moving forward because that might mean losing what I have and love; my comfortable quiet existence with the love of my life. He is very supportive and proud of me and what if succeeding means being with him so much less that I lose my balance? I don't do well out of balance. I feel safe and secure right now but also unfulfilled....so aren't I already out of balance?
My word for 2011 is Transition and expanding my heart and my mind's boundaries for myself will fall into this word's definition for me. I would challenge all my reader's to do the same and take one step beyond your secure zone and take a chance.
My monthly horoscope had this to say:
Keep in Mind this Month Playing it safe will only prolong your insecurity. Bold action, however, burns away fear in the excitement of new undertakings.
I joined a Haiku group for this year to expand my writing/creative skills. Our first challenge word is "Beginnings" and my haiku is:
Beginnings bring fear
Beginnings bring excitement
JUMP NOW, Feel Breath Live